Ok but for real- if yo have this problem get the stainless steel ball chain from Home Depot or something (this stuff)
And sew it into the hem of your skirts. It’s a haute couture sewing trick to keep jackets and skirts hanging right and looking crisp, Coco Chanel’s high end stuff all has it in there. It’s also a very easy aftermarket hack and since it’s stainless steel it’s machine washable.
I live near Chicago and the Windy City thing is no joke. A little bit of chain hidden in the hem and no one gets to know for sure what color my underwear is that day.
I think parents should teach their toddlers the phrase “my will has been thwarted” for when they’re feeling frustrated by not getting what they want. I don’t think this would reduce the incidence of temper tantrums, but I do think it would make them more entertaining.
i’m gonna make a movie where two normal ladies fall in love. everything’s chill, no age gap, they’re both out of the closet, their families love them, everything’s fine. the catch is that one lady has a cat and the other lady never figured out what the cat’s name was cause the Owner Lesbian ALWAYS uses a dumb nickname and now it’s been three years and they’re getting married and it’s too late to just ask
It’s garnering more and more urgency because the cat’s importance is growing (the cat is going to be the ring bearer, oh no!)
The First Lady asks her fiancé if they should get a fancy collar with the cats name for the wedding and her fiancé throws her arms around her and says “great, would you go do that tomorrow?”
the longer i think about it the more that sounds like a valid conflict to base an entire movie around and the fewer problems i could think of that cant have a solid writing solution available
“Just wanted to confirm the spelling before I gave the order, hun. This shit is costly and I only got one form.”
“Oh, just the normal spelling, no crazy vowels or anything.”
This is so good. Plus it’s not like you can try out likely names and see if the cat responds, like a dog might. It’s a cat. It’s just gonna sit and squint unblinkingly at you regardless, no matter how many names you try.
Plot twist:
It’s not a stupid nickname.
The cat really is “miss kitty.”
Y E S
no no no. the cat doesn’t have a name, the cat owner never decided on one so she just goes with various silly nicknames. but since her fiancée acts like she is aware of the cat’s name, the cat owner assumes the fiancée mistook one of the nicknames for the actual name. but she doesn’t know which! so the cat owner doesn’t know what the supposed cat name is either, and relies on the fiancée revealing it at some point, but it never comes and she’s getting agitated too because she doesn’t want to admit she never named her cat
Hey hey hey in a similar vein to ^^^
What if
Neither if then know the name
Because it’s neither of their cat.
The cat decided to move in about the same time one of the girls did. Both think it’s the other one’s cat. Both are committing these increasingly elaborate shenanigans to figure out the name from the other.
Why don’t I hear more about undead beings coming back to warn people? It’s always zombies wanting to drag people down to join them in the grave, ghosts seeking vengeance, spirits trying to chase people out of their domains - but if you died horribly and were left rattling around some spooky mansion for eternity, wouldn’t you want to stop people from blundering into the same death you had?
You feel a cold breath on your neck as you get in the car. It won’t leave until you fasten your seatbelt. An unseen force catches your foot as you pass the fourth step every time you walk up the stairs. During a renovation, you find out the wood is rotten. You can never find a pack of cigarettes - even ones guests bring disappear from their pockets and are found weeks later on the lawn, empty. Your daughter is giggling and laughing at something unseen, chasing after it away from the cliffside on your family hike. You don’t know why, but you feel compelled to leave a spare hairband and some stickers on a picnic table as you leave the park. Tribute? A thank you? The items are gone by next time you visit, and you swear a happy child’s hum follows you home on the breeze.
…More preventative hauntings. It just makes sense.
Everyone is convinced the old house on the hill is full of evil spirits because anyone who tries to sneak in gets the ever loving shit scared out of them by the craziest poltergeist imaginable
Turns out the house had massive structural issues and was just one door-slam away from caving in on itself and the ghost was trying to keep people safe
Once the house did finally collapse the ghost moved on to the old abandoned factory that never had its industrial waste properly disposed of
Eventually the local inspection unit gave it an honorary OSHA certification
“Boo” is short for “Buy a Carbon Monoxide sensor, for fuck’s sake.”
Depression is such an effective tranquilizer that it creates a great opportunity for plot twists in your real life. I have a pretty consistent opinion of myself which is “low” and “never ending guilt and shame for reasons I don’t understand.”
Recently received feedback from two different editing clients that started with “Please pass along to Jacquelynn that she is phenomenal at her job” and “I was blown away by the evaluation I received.”
You always hear about how depression (and anxiety) lies to you and distorts reality, but there is logically knowing that and then there is like, physical proof of it and you are suddenly Neo in the Matrix jumping out of the fucked up little tube machine.
Look, medication and therapy are essential, but I think we shouldn’t underestimate this form of treatment
Anonymous
